Bottesford Toy Run

So, it was bloody freezing this morning, wet on the roads and generally miserable...the best plan had to be, get the bikes out and go for a ride didn't it?!

Every year there is a toy run from Bottesford up to Grantham and hundreds of bikes turn out. It's usually a mix of winter hacks, strange things you haven't seen since the Nineties (bikes and riders!), cruisers and tourers. This one was no different.

My other half recently bought a Kawasaki Versys, which has been named 'Waffle' after it's waffley engine characteristics, so I nabbed that and he got his Triumph Sprint ST out, complete with it's heated grips, the git! Off to Asda to grab some toys, then hit the road. It's nice to be out for a ride, no matter what the weather, but the frosty air nipping at my neck is making me shiver! Little Waffle is superb though, giving loads of feedback and inspiring confidence on the slippy roads. Guinea Pig is safely tucked in the top box, now accompanied by a cuddly Lion and Zebra to be dropped off for the kids :-) We soon reach Bottesford, round the corner and see the bikes spilling out of the pub carpark onto the surrounding lanes.



The run out is slow and steady, in close company with a Goldwing, complete with two Santa's taking up the saddle and the stereo blaring out Christmas tunes! People come out of their houses to stand at the side of the road and wave as we pass and even the car drivers, who's journey's we've interrupted, can't help but smile and wave as they patiently wait for us to all ride by :-) The BMF have got several people out marshalling, blocking off junctions and roundabouts so we don't get split up. We're towards the back of the group and the sight of hundreds of bikes filling the road in front of us is quite something.

Pulling into the carpark, the Police have sent a few bikes out to shepherd us in safely. I hand one of them Guinea Pig and after looking confused, he accepts him, asking 'Does he bite?'.

Inside the hall, we get cups of tea and mince pies from the Salvation Army, who are collecting the toys. The hall gets full up very quickly with cold bikers clutching pressies.



There are members of various groups wearing their patches, alongside scooter riders and 'Power Rangers', still in their matching one piece leathers with a fleece chucked on top. It's great to see so many people making the effort, especially with a warm bed being so inviting on such a typical British, winter day.



Luckily for me, the slow ride on the Triumph has made Tony's wrists ache and he wants Waffle to ride home. That means I get the heated grips, yes! The big Trumpet weighs a ton after the little Kwak, but it's super comfy, stupidly fast and I've got warm hands, bliss!

Guinea Pig is off to his next keeper now...visiting more men in uniform :-) Looking forward to his next story, check back soon.

'Pigasus'

This month, our little mate has learnt to fly with the RAF! Colin (aka rafjock) kindly offered to take him to a war zone and fly him in some of their finest aircraft and who could resist an offer like that!? If I could have fit in that envelope to go with Guinea Pig, I would have done. Being a fighter pilot has got to be one of the most exciting jobs in the world and it turns out not only are they brave and talented, they're also nice enough guys to fly a cuddly Guinea Pig round and take some pictures on their way :D Enjoy...



Doing the’Deid

Anyone who has visited the Gulf region cannot fail to notice the heat and humidity. Anyone who hasn’t, switch your oven on (Fan preferrable), take a hairdryer and combine the two with a handful of sand for effect. You now understand the reasoning behind the inaugural night races held this year at Losail just down the road from here at AUAB. Temperatures of 48C in July have now decreased to mid 30’s in mid Oct. Would you fancy riding in that in your riding gear? And at race pace for 45 minutes? Pity the 24 Hour Endurance racers who will be there in a few weeks. Still, it cools to the mid 20’s at night, which is great in shorts and T shirt drinking beer, but for my Jock temperature gauge is still a bit too warm for trying to ride motorcycles fast.





Now, I haven’t got a bike here, and as yet I’ve not even had a chance to visit Losail, and if it weren’t for the wife sending me PB every month and the general banter on the PB Forum I wouldn’t have seen anything about bikes for the last 3 months. So why did Grib choose to send her precious Toy here? After all, fresh from touring Europe at a great rate of knots, and schmoozing with Ducati and their lovely assistants, why send it here to a bike-devoid military setup? The promise of flying Pigasus (The Winged Pig) in an aircraft probably swung it, but she mentioned “adventure”. That started me thinking; my job is just what I do, I work with people who go to the same places, see the same things. But these are things that few others get to experience (and they are on well paid contract work). So let’s treat the Forum Guinea Pig to a little bit of adventure before he is whisked away to the next keeper.



Day 1 – 12 Oct 08

The shift handover was a busy one, very different to the one I’d given 12 hours ago before sleeping the day away. As the day shift were on the way out, they remembered to tell me that I had a parcel. Sure enough in my drawer there was a padded envelope, with a label proudly stating- “Contents: Soft Toy”. Thanks for that Grib, thanks a lot! Sure enough the Forum Guinea Pig had arrived on the next leg of its journey. In the few days since Grib e-mailed me I’d been getting tentative agreements for flights, but now it was time to get things sorted out. The next day’s programme had a perfect sortie that would let me get a couple of hours sleep in, so I put myself on it.

20 minutes later however, a Loadie I knew from a previous tour walked through the door with a C17 crew, quick glance at the programme to see where he was off to, packed my camera in Grib's envelope and asked him nicely if he would take Pigasus off to Afghanistan for the night. With a grin, he whisked our furry friend off with him with a promise to take some pictures for proof. So, 30 minutes from opening the package and it’s gone flying already, that good enough for you Grib? (oh yes - Grib) Well, it gave me time to deal with all the chaos and make some more calls to arrange the rest of its schedule anyway. Nearly 12 hours later, and the envelope and contents were returned safe and sound with the requisite photos. As it was the end of shift it was back to bed for me while the package was stored in my desk drawer.






Day 2 – 13 Oct 08

3 hours later I was back in work collecting the package ready for it's second flight in 24 hours, we were off in a VC10 on an Air to Air Refuelling sortie over Iraq. A couple of hours flight time and we were over Iraqi airspace at around 22,000 Feet, watching our first aircraft approach on the radar. That was my cue to disappear down the back of the aircraft with Pigasus in tow to watch a rapidly growing dot evolve into a Tornado GR4 that settled just off our wing. With the hoses trailing in a 250mph airstream, the aerial ballet began with the Tornado disappearing out of view behind the aircraft, then reappearing slowly and contacting the basket first time. And there he stayed for the next 5 minutes, making slight corrections all the time to maintain contact with the fuel hose whilst battling the airstream and the buffeting from trailing in the wake of our much larger airframe.



A couple of minutes and nearly 5 tons of fuel later he broke contact and took up position on the wingtip, before climbing and rapidly becoming a dot once again. A couple more refuels kept everyone happy, so we made our way back to base, letting Pigasus take the controls for the way back via the refinery fires of Southern Iraq and Kuwait, the bright lights of Saudi and the excessively bright lights of Bahrain with the sun setting all the way back, we landed in darkness. Once back in work and showing off the pictures, it was decided to treat ourselves to some good American hospitality, so Pizza and Beer it was to finish off a busy day, Lovely.






Day 3 – 14 Oct 08

Well, you see… I was going to send Pigasus off for a Hercules flight and photoshoot in Baghdad tonight, but I had an offer I couldn’t refuse for tomorrow, but they would need him today. So we went for a quick few photos on the Herc ramp and delivered him to his next keepers…




Day 4 – 15 Oct 08

Now this is what he was sent here for. With 16,000lbs of thrust from each of its afterburning engines and a top whack of Mach 1.3 (or nearly 1,000 mph). The Tornado GR4 is probably the airborne embodiment of the PB spirit. First flown in August 1974, it has been refined, updated and upgraded throughout its days to the point where its intended replacement (in 6 years time) has only marginally improved performance. Getting Pigasus on one posed few problems, their Ops man was an old friend, and they’ve been doing a roaring trade in flying Flags for American servicemen, so a soft toy would be a change. Photographic evidence though, that produced a suck of the teeth, and a “We’ll see”. Change of tack then, approach my young blonde Ops Officer, she wanders off to speak to the Tonka aircrew and comes back minus Pigasus and camera with a promise of pictures, Result! So, late this afternoon, I get the call to collect the package, and they didn’t disappoint, giving proof that the Forum Guinea pig was rattling through the clear skies over Iraq at 21,000ft and Mach 0.7, which equates to around 550 mph in real terms. I’m sure it was a great experience, after all I’ve been trying on and off to get a flight for nearly 18 years now with no joy, and Pigasus gets one after 4 days. Jealousy – it’s a terrible thing!





Day 5 – 16 Oct 08

Well, I’ve now run out of aircraft to fly him in, and the Americans are very particular that people do not take photos around the Operational site (under threat of Arrest at gunpoint, no less), so he was yet again handed off to my Ops Officer who took him around the domestic site for a spot of lunch and a Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. It’s true, a little bit of home comfort follows their forces everywhere. Here we get Starbucks, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Baskin Robbins, Dunkin Donuts and a Subway. Just as well there are 2 Swimming pools and 2 Gyms to work it all off I suppose.

I hope that this change of scenery for the Guinea Pig hasn’t bored everyone (urr, no, it was awesome! - Grib). I’m sure normal service will be resumed soon, because he should be back with Grib in a few days and off to someone else to further broaden it’s horizons. Mind you, you’ll need to have really good contacts to get it any Faster than I got it!





When I got 'Pigasus' back, he was in a little uniform! Apparently the girls in the office did it...yeah, righto ;-)



On their way home, their flight broke down in Germany (not an RAF plane, I've been assured!), so it was an excuse to introduce poor Guinea Pig to the delights of being very drunk and getting snogged by grown men who should really know better!














What a way to end an incredible trip, thanks so much to all the Ladies and Gentlemen that gave PB Forum Pig such an epic adventure. When I took him out of his little box at home, he also had some Certificates to prove where he had been flying, excellent!



So he's back in the UK, paws firmly on the ground again. It's the next PB Forum trackday on November 1st at Oulton Park (join up, come along and meet some very cool people), so he's staying here until then and being passed on to his new keeper after that.

Checking out Cadwell Park

Some friends were racing at Cadwell Park this weekend, so the usual Friday trackday testing was taking place for a few of them. Everyone knows that Friday is a half working day, so with the sun out, we grabbed PB Guinea Pig and got the bikes out for a cold, windy ride to the track :-)

We arrived to see cars going round, which was a bit confusing, but it turns out it was a bikes and cars trackday (not at the same time, they took it in turns ;-) ), so that was a bit different. There's usually some trick stuff at car days, but we didn't spot anything special, to our untrained eyes anyway.

We tried to sneak down to the podium without anyone seeing, but some inconsiderate sod lobbed their bike, got the session red flagged and everyone started filing back into the holding area while I took a snap or two of Guinea Pig basking in the glory of Cadwell's podium steps, how embarrassing.




They could do with a bit of spit and polish!

Guinea Pig's had enough of being back here, so he needs a new place to go. There's a thread on the PB forum, so if you want to whisk him away somewhere good, get on there and make a suggestion and there will be a poll as to where he ends up next :-)

Furry Adventures at the Ducati 1100 Monster launch

Last week PB Forum Guinea Pig was stuffed in the post and sent to Performance Bike's, Kar Lee's house, with promises of being whisked away to exotic places to play with exotic motorcycles. Well, they've not disappointed and our fuzzy mate has been living it up in Cannes. Words and pictures courtesy of Kar...

OK, here be the pics and reportage from the launch, from a guinea pig's perspective. Over to you PBForum guinea pig!




Well, here I am in warm Cannes in the south of France, home of film festivals and just a stone's throw from Monaco. The flight over on easyjet to Nice airport was comfy - I had a row of three seats all to myself, which is plenty for a guinea pig of my size. In this pic I'm on the balcony terrace of the Miramar hotel. It's a 5-star jobbie and dead swanky. Was a bit windy on the railing though I did get a good view of the bikes on the seafront and the Mediterranean.



Kar was a bit worried I'd blow off never to be seen again so he's moved me down. Cheekily, he's found a couple of PB stickers and tagged the hotel. Way to go, PB fella! There's a Ducati flag in the background - the hotel was peppered with them and loads of Ducati branding. Pictures, signage, display bikes dotted all over the place... they've really gone to town and taken over the hotel.



Here I am on the bed of the swish apartment. There's a mini bar, widescreen TV, shower, bath, shitter, big terrace and a small lounge. A nice lady with a Ducati shirt gave Kar a bag. In it was a cool Ducati jacket! Apparently launch gifts are commonplace and Ducati are pretty good. Kar told me not to say but he reckons a good gift and a nice hotel is worth at least 20% extra on the score of a bike. He reckons that if we'd flown club class, the bike would get a proper rave review. He says bribery of this sort is commonplace! ( I said no such thing. KL)



This is the press conference room. There was loads of see-through chairs on there, and all the British and German journalists sat here for the briefing. All the Ducati bods were present and hey showed us a nice video of the bike in action on the road. It was like a coke advert, all full of beautiful people. A bit cheesy but people do buy into the lifestyle dream and Ducati brand. There was a nice Monster 1100 carpet laid down too, as well as Ducati coasters and pencils.



Kar put me down in the display cabinet for a while, next to some of the components that make up the Monster 1100. I got a good look at the fuel tank construction! The head of communications came in just as Kar was taking the photo, he just smiled. Kar looked a bit embarrassed, dunno why.



This is the route map for the rideout that we took. It was all mostly third gear corners - second was fun - with a whiff of clutch the front wheel was pawing the sky! Kar and the bloke from FastBikes mag got lost but they had fun finding their way back.



The meal was scrummy. It was mostly fish, but the red wine was very tasty. The dessert was all Ducati-branded up and Kar whipped me out for a quick photo when no-one was looking - or so he thought. I saw the communications man from Ducati looking again.




This lady was pretty and had a nice T-shirt that all the journalists kept looking at. Kar got her to pose for a picture with me. She couldn't stop kissing me, and it made me feel a bit funny down below. All the other journalists were jealous. She came down the next morning for breakfast and asked Kar where his rabbit was in front of Trevor Franklin from MCN. He looked quite puzzled. Doesn't she know I'm a guinea pig? Whatever, her T-shirt was very nicely lit.



This was in the underground car park at the hotel. There was at least 20 Ducati Monsters all lined up. We got to go on bike number one! It makes a nice sound when it starts up. Brumm, brumm, dakka, dakka, dakka. I think Kar's helmet is a bit big for me. I stayed in his Kriega bumbag for the whole ride.



We stopped off for a photo session here. Each bike and rider would follow really closely behind the camera car, where a photographer would sit in the boot and take pictures as we were moving. It's quite dangerous, but luckily there wasn't much traffic around. The guy with the Ducati jacket in the background who is talking to Trevor from MCN is the man who designed the Monster. He's staring at me, isn't he? He's probably jealous that I got a kiss from the pretty lady with the nice T-shirt earlier.



These two bikes were parked on the sea front around the back of the hotel. They were both the 1100S version, which had fancy Ohlins suspension but only costs a little bit more. Kar reckons this one is the one to get as he said the stock suspension was a bit shit.



This was taken at lunchtime at the sea front. We were all having lunch but the sun was nice so Kar went and sat me on a bike and smoked a fag. Just after the photo was taken Kar interviewed the designer man who has made all the Monsters for the last seven years. They stood talking for ten minutes while Kar made notes. Unfortunately I was sticking out of the bumbag so the Ducati man stared at me the whole time while I was strapped onto Kar's waist. Kar went a bit green afterwards when he found out. We caught a late night flight and I didn't get back to Peterborough until 1am in the morning! These swish launches are nice but I think I need to go somewhere else now.