Doing the’Deid
Anyone who has visited the Gulf region cannot fail to notice the heat and humidity. Anyone who hasn’t, switch your oven on (Fan preferrable), take a hairdryer and combine the two with a handful of sand for effect. You now understand the reasoning behind the inaugural night races held this year at Losail just down the road from here at AUAB. Temperatures of 48C in July have now decreased to mid 30’s in mid Oct. Would you fancy riding in that in your riding gear? And at race pace for 45 minutes? Pity the 24 Hour Endurance racers who will be there in a few weeks. Still, it cools to the mid 20’s at night, which is great in shorts and T shirt drinking beer, but for my Jock temperature gauge is still a bit too warm for trying to ride motorcycles fast.
Now, I haven’t got a bike here, and as yet I’ve not even had a chance to visit Losail, and if it weren’t for the wife sending me PB every month and the general banter on the PB Forum I wouldn’t have seen anything about bikes for the last 3 months. So why did Grib choose to send her precious Toy here? After all, fresh from touring Europe at a great rate of knots, and schmoozing with Ducati and their lovely assistants, why send it here to a bike-devoid military setup? The promise of flying Pigasus (The Winged Pig) in an aircraft probably swung it, but she mentioned “adventure”. That started me thinking; my job is just what I do, I work with people who go to the same places, see the same things. But these are things that few others get to experience (and they are on well paid contract work). So let’s treat the Forum Guinea Pig to a little bit of adventure before he is whisked away to the next keeper.
Day 1 – 12 Oct 08
The shift handover was a busy one, very different to the one I’d given 12 hours ago before sleeping the day away. As the day shift were on the way out, they remembered to tell me that I had a parcel. Sure enough in my drawer there was a padded envelope, with a label proudly stating- “Contents: Soft Toy”. Thanks for that Grib, thanks a lot! Sure enough the Forum Guinea Pig had arrived on the next leg of its journey. In the few days since Grib e-mailed me I’d been getting tentative agreements for flights, but now it was time to get things sorted out. The next day’s programme had a perfect sortie that would let me get a couple of hours sleep in, so I put myself on it.
20 minutes later however, a Loadie I knew from a previous tour walked through the door with a C17 crew, quick glance at the programme to see where he was off to, packed my camera in Grib's envelope and asked him nicely if he would take Pigasus off to Afghanistan for the night. With a grin, he whisked our furry friend off with him with a promise to take some pictures for proof. So, 30 minutes from opening the package and it’s gone flying already, that good enough for you Grib? (oh yes - Grib) Well, it gave me time to deal with all the chaos and make some more calls to arrange the rest of its schedule anyway. Nearly 12 hours later, and the envelope and contents were returned safe and sound with the requisite photos. As it was the end of shift it was back to bed for me while the package was stored in my desk drawer.
Day 2 – 13 Oct 08
3 hours later I was back in work collecting the package ready for it's second flight in 24 hours, we were off in a VC10 on an Air to Air Refuelling sortie over Iraq. A couple of hours flight time and we were over Iraqi airspace at around 22,000 Feet, watching our first aircraft approach on the radar. That was my cue to disappear down the back of the aircraft with Pigasus in tow to watch a rapidly growing dot evolve into a Tornado GR4 that settled just off our wing. With the hoses trailing in a 250mph airstream, the aerial ballet began with the Tornado disappearing out of view behind the aircraft, then reappearing slowly and contacting the basket first time. And there he stayed for the next 5 minutes, making slight corrections all the time to maintain contact with the fuel hose whilst battling the airstream and the buffeting from trailing in the wake of our much larger airframe.
A couple of minutes and nearly 5 tons of fuel later he broke contact and took up position on the wingtip, before climbing and rapidly becoming a dot once again. A couple more refuels kept everyone happy, so we made our way back to base, letting Pigasus take the controls for the way back via the refinery fires of Southern Iraq and Kuwait, the bright lights of Saudi and the excessively bright lights of Bahrain with the sun setting all the way back, we landed in darkness. Once back in work and showing off the pictures, it was decided to treat ourselves to some good American hospitality, so Pizza and Beer it was to finish off a busy day, Lovely.
Day 3 – 14 Oct 08
Well, you see… I was going to send Pigasus off for a Hercules flight and photoshoot in Baghdad tonight, but I had an offer I couldn’t refuse for tomorrow, but they would need him today. So we went for a quick few photos on the Herc ramp and delivered him to his next keepers…
Day 4 – 15 Oct 08
Now this is what he was sent here for. With 16,000lbs of thrust from each of its afterburning engines and a top whack of Mach 1.3 (or nearly 1,000 mph). The Tornado GR4 is probably the airborne embodiment of the PB spirit. First flown in August 1974, it has been refined, updated and upgraded throughout its days to the point where its intended replacement (in 6 years time) has only marginally improved performance. Getting Pigasus on one posed few problems, their Ops man was an old friend, and they’ve been doing a roaring trade in flying Flags for American servicemen, so a soft toy would be a change. Photographic evidence though, that produced a suck of the teeth, and a “We’ll see”. Change of tack then, approach my young blonde Ops Officer, she wanders off to speak to the Tonka aircrew and comes back minus Pigasus and camera with a promise of pictures, Result! So, late this afternoon, I get the call to collect the package, and they didn’t disappoint, giving proof that the Forum Guinea pig was rattling through the clear skies over Iraq at 21,000ft and Mach 0.7, which equates to around 550 mph in real terms. I’m sure it was a great experience, after all I’ve been trying on and off to get a flight for nearly 18 years now with no joy, and Pigasus gets one after 4 days. Jealousy – it’s a terrible thing!
Day 5 – 16 Oct 08
Well, I’ve now run out of aircraft to fly him in, and the Americans are very particular that people do not take photos around the Operational site (under threat of Arrest at gunpoint, no less), so he was yet again handed off to my Ops Officer who took him around the domestic site for a spot of lunch and a Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. It’s true, a little bit of home comfort follows their forces everywhere. Here we get Starbucks, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Baskin Robbins, Dunkin Donuts and a Subway. Just as well there are 2 Swimming pools and 2 Gyms to work it all off I suppose.
I hope that this change of scenery for the Guinea Pig hasn’t bored everyone (urr, no, it was awesome! - Grib). I’m sure normal service will be resumed soon, because he should be back with Grib in a few days and off to someone else to further broaden it’s horizons. Mind you, you’ll need to have really good contacts to get it any Faster than I got it!
When I got 'Pigasus' back, he was in a little uniform! Apparently the girls in the office did it...yeah, righto ;-)
On their way home, their flight broke down in Germany (not an RAF plane, I've been assured!), so it was an excuse to introduce poor Guinea Pig to the delights of being very drunk and getting snogged by grown men who should really know better!
What a way to end an incredible trip, thanks so much to all the Ladies and Gentlemen that gave PB Forum Pig such an epic adventure. When I took him out of his little box at home, he also had some Certificates to prove where he had been flying, excellent!
So he's back in the UK, paws firmly on the ground again. It's the next PB Forum trackday on November 1st at Oulton Park (join up, come along and meet some very cool people), so he's staying here until then and being passed on to his new keeper after that.
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